While language and grammar are undoubtably linguistic constructs, they have very practical uses inside the realm of computer science. However, while looking for language and grammar parsing tools written for Node, I was disappointed to find no easy-to-use and suitably-flexible libraries. In response, I began development on Tyranny, a node module that allows for the description and parsing of arbitrary context-free grammars. Here is what it is, how it works, and what it does.